Loved Me Once, Love Me Again
by NonaRose
Summary: Written for OQPromptParty2019 - Prompt #121; secret relationship


**Day Four **

**Prompt #121 — Secret relationship **

* * *

_I'd climb every mountain _

_And swim every ocean _

_Just to be with you_

_And fix what I've broken_

_Oh, 'cause I need you to see _

_That you are the reason _

_—__Calum Scott, You Are The Reason_

* * *

Being in a secret relationship wasn't on Robin Locksley's agenda.

It was stupid—why be with someone that didn't want to be seen in public with him? He was a good man, he deserved better than to be treated as someone to be ashamed of. He knew, but it was taking his heart too long to catch up to his brain.

All because he loved her.

Because he couldn't live without her and he was willing to grasp onto whatever she willing to give, be it a stolen kiss away from the crowd or a night in her bed at eventide. It wasn't enough but it was something.

He blamed her strict mother for that. For the walls she built around her daughter's heart by spewing nonsense about how love was weakness and power was all a person needed. Walls he couldn't tear down or climb over no matter how hard he tried. He'd chip away at them and they'd grow back sturdier. It was impossible to get her to let him in. Eventually, he stopped trying altogether.

If a bedmate was all she wanted, he'd give her that. But he had the right to his feelings, too. He was just a human after all.

He had the right to feel a little jealous over seeing others look at her the way he looked at her, or get upset over hearing her mother praise all the wealthy men she had her eyes set on for her daughter to marry, knowing well a simple man like him would never be able to compete with them.

Worst of all, Regina didn't seem half as bothered by that as him.

She went on dates with some of those wealthy men and told him all about it, unaware that every word about how chivalrous David Nolan was or how handsome Graham Humbert was felt like a stab straight to the heart to him. Nevertheless, he swallowed the pain and smiled, because they weren't a couple. Because he loved her and she didn't love him. And because, no matter what, her happiness mattered the most to him.

He tried doing the same. His friends pitied him and set him up on dates, and he really, really tried the first four times. He pushed Regina to the back of his mind and attempted to enjoy his dates. It just didn't click. None of the women, as wonderful as they were, too, were Regina.

No woman would ever be. Not the hotheaded redhead he went out with on the first date or the ambitious blonde he went with on the second. It wasn't the pixie-haired, starry-eyed schoolteacher either, not even the tanned brunette his friend guaranteed would knock him off his feet and fill in Regina's shoes. Marian was pretty, beautiful, really, but she wasn't Regina. Nobody was.

He was forward with her because she deserved better, and while they didn't work out as a couple, they became close friends. It turned out, as fate would have it, she wasn't really looking for love either. She'd recently split from her long-term boyfriend and, instead of wallowing in self-pity and sorrow, her best friend convinced her to go out there and date someone, if not for love, then for the free food.

He gained a friend and it was thrilling, but that still didn't solve his dilemma with Regina. He was still head over heels in love with her.

* * *

"Are you going with Regina to the gala tonight?" a raspy voice asked from behind, followed by a series of violent coughs that echoed throughout the large bedroom.

Robin glanced back at the old, balding man sitting on the black wing chair by the open balcony, staring straight at him instead of the landscape he claimed he so desperately needed to see, for his well-being, of course. Because fresh, _cold _air would definitely help with his coughs and improve health.

He'd been Henry Mills' caregiver for two years and what a wild ride it'd been. The man, though old and could barely stand on his wobbly feet without support for long, was still a kid at heart. He enjoyed pulling whatever pranks he could think of and whatever his frail body could handle, and often dragged Robin to take part in them, too, which always resulted in him earning an earful from the old man's daughter. It wasn't fun considering he spent some nights warming her bed. It _especially_ made things awkward when they already had plans set up for the same evening. Instead of heated make-out sessions and passionate lovemaking, he'd get scolded all over again behind closed doors before being sent out with whatever little dignity he still had.

She was worried and it was understandable—her father's health continued to decline, anything could be his undoing. But if the man was to die, why take his ability to live while he was still able to? He wasn't family, though. He was a nobody to argue with her logic. He was hired by Regina to look after her ill, elderly father—nothing more, noting less.

"Why would I?" Robin questioned. He wasn't hired for that, and he wasn't her boyfriend, he wasn't sure he was even her friend. Just a bedmate, a secret. If anything, he was certain one of the men she'd been raving about would be her date for the night. Grant or Dave, or whatever their damn names were.

"I don't know, to keep her company?" Henry suggested. "You know she hates those events."

But it never stopped her from throwing the most extravagant galas the city witnessed over the years. Granted, they were done in the name of charity, fundraising parties that included all the important people one could think of, a-listers and tycoons, anyone that would happily hand over a million bucks without giving it much of a thought, but did she really have to go all out?

"I think I'd rather stay here and play chess with you," Robin said, plopping down on the chair across the old man with a wide, dimpled grin. "Unless you're a coward, scared I'm going to beat your arse again."

Henry laughed before a coughing fit claimed his breath again, but he waved it off with a smirk. "I pitied you. I _let_ you win because you looked like a kicked puppy."

"All the times we played?" Robin asked, brows risen to his hairline.

"All the times we played," Henry confirmed.

"Well," Robin said, arranging the set of black and white pieces in their places, "don't hold back this time, old man."

"Oh, I won't," Henry promised, and the first round began.

* * *

True to his words, Henry Mills did _not_ hold back this time around—has he really been letting him win all this time out of pity? Gods, that was embarrassing. Henry managed to win three out of the four rounds they played, almost too easily, too, which made Robin wonder if he was cheating. Was it even possible to cheat in chess? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it was all knowledge. Henry was twice his age after all, he knew things Robin didn't.

Regardless, it didn't help his bruised ego.

Next time. He would definitely get him next time.

"You're not dressed."

Robin glanced back over his shoulder with a puzzled look on his face, but every question he had prepared dissolved at the sight of Regina standing by the doorframe, cladded in a sleeveless, deep red gown with a plunging neckline, a slit on the side of it stretching all the way up to her mid-thigh.

"Pick your jaw off the floor," she bit, but there was playfulness in her tone and a little smile on her face, barely noticeable but it was there, he could see it, curved over her burgundy lips. "And hurry up, we're gonna be late."

That snapped him back to reality.

"Late for what?"

"The gala, Robin."

"But I'm not going." It wasn't that he _didn't_ want to go, it was more so the fact that he wasn't invited—though, her asking why he was still dressed casually in his tee shirt and pair of sweats and not in something else, something gala-worthy did sound like an invitation to him.

"What do you mean you're not going?" Regina huffed, walking further into the room he'd been living in for the past couple of years with heavy strides.

"I wasn't invited," he explained, "which also means I have nothing to wear—what are you doing?" He frowned in confusion. Why was she going through his closet.

"You don't need an invitation, Robin." She grunted, digging deeper before exclaiming an _ah! _as she pulled a black garment bag and tugged the gold zipper down, revealing a three-piece black and navy suit. Whose was that and what the hell was it doing in his closet? "I told them to put it on the bed, where you can actually see it. I guess I should've known better than to except that from a bunch of morons," she grumbled. Well, that clarified something.

"What's that?"

"A suit, Robin. Please don't tell me you're turning into one of them, too? It's like I'm surrounded by idiots."

He rolled his eyes. Obviously, that was a suit. "I meant that as it's not mine. I've never seen it in my life and if I did, I wouldn't be able to afford it. That looks like it would cost a thousand bucks!" He didn't have that kind of money to spend on something like that.

"Almost." Regina laid the garment bag over the mattress before bending over, picking up a box from the bottom of the closet and placing it on the bed. She removed the lid, revealing a pair of polished, black blucher shoes. "A little over three thousand dollars with the shoes and cufflinks. Now, get ready. We're leaving in twenty."

And with that, she was gone. She didn't give him time to process it all. He didn't have the time to process it all even if he wanted, they had to leave in twenty minutes.

"Jesus, Regina," he groaned.

* * *

Surprisingly, the suit was well-fitted and the shoes were the perfect size, too. Regina must've snatched an old, worn out pair of both for size reference. It was either that or she was extremely good at guessing. Whatever it was, he was ready for the gala and he couldn't be happier to be her _friendly _date.

Usually, the driver was the one in control of radio or the aux or the bluetooth, whatever used to blast some music in the car, but with Regina, that wasn't the case. She grabbed his phone as soon as she climbed in, switched off his bluetooth in order for it to disconnect before connecting hers to the car, all the while barely even acknowledging him. It would have been fine by him, the location he was driving to was just a little more than half an hour away, but her taste in music was dreadful. All the classical instrumentals that made him want to bash his head in or fall asleep behind the wheel.

"Regina, please. For the love of god, let me play something else," Robin pleaded. "Maybe put on some Elton John, I know you love him."

"I'm not in the mood for Elton John," Regina argued, sounding so childish with her whine, he almost believed she was being stubborn just to spite him. Truthfully, he wouldn't even be surprised if that was the case. "I just wanna listen to some Beethoven and relax."

He fought the urge to roll his eyes and huffed. "It's my car, you know."

"I know," she replied.

"And I'm the one driving."

"I'm aware of that, too."

"Which means _I'm _the one that controls the music."

She barked out a laugh and shook her head. "Says who?"

"Says the unwritten rule of being the driver!"

"I don't play by the rules."

As if he didn't already know that.

"Fine," Robin groused defeatedly, and just then, she grabbed her phone and switched to Elton John's _Tiny Dancer_.

Oh, that _bitch_.

"You're kinda hot when you're frustrated," Regina said, and he glanced over to her, catching a glimpse of her smug smile.

"Can't say the same about you," he retorted. "You're terrifying when you're frustrated, even worse when you're angry."

"Shut up," she grumbled, and he laughed.

She was, though, and even her own father would agree. Henry said so himself multiple times.

The ride came to an end quicker than he thought or, perhaps, he was having too much fun singing along to old school songs with Regina, he lost sense of time. It wasn't so often that he saw her so happy and carefree. She was always so stressed, scowling at everyone and everything.

He helped her out of the car and escorted her inside but kept his distance, lingering a few feet behind her as if he was part of the security team rather than her friend. The saddest part about it, though, was the fact that she didn't seem to notice as she began to mingle with the guests. He was long forgotten. What did he expect anyways? He was in a world that wasn't his, full of people from the upper-class.

So he left the ballroom, grabbing two flutes of champagne on the way out to the balcony from the passing by waiter. It was such a cliché move but the place was empty and he desperately needed to get away from the crowd, away from the sight of men hugging the woman he was in love with a little too tight and pressing lingering kisses to her cheeks. It made his blood boil and he couldn't do a thing about it. He had no right to do anything about it.

"You're out here all alone and not following Regina around like a lost puppy, are you okay, Locksley?"

Robin let out a little, humorless chuckle, then downed one flute before offering the other to the blonde beside him. Mallory Drayce, Regina's best friend, had to be the one joining him of all people invited to the gala, leaning her slim figure against the railing next to him.

She gracefully sipped on her drink, her fierce, blue eyes fixed ahead rather than on him. "So, are you gonna start talking or do you need some liquid courage?"

"There's nothing to talk about," he brushed off, because there really wasn't. His relationship, or lack of one, with Regina was a secret. He couldn't talk about something that didn't exist to anyone else but the two of them.

"Then why are you standing here, looking like a little kid who had his candy taken from him?"

It was ironic, really.

He did have something taken from him.

He glanced back over his shoulder, part him filled with hope that maybe, just maybe Regina might've noticed he wasn't with her anymore and was looking around, but she was chatting away with another man, her eyes closed, head tipped back as she chuckled at whatever he was telling her. And that fucking hurt.

"These events just aren't my thing," he whispered, turning his attention back to Mallory. "Too loud, too many people I don't know."

"So this has nothing to do with Regina?" she asked, and he tensed, his eyes bulged and his mouth opened and closed a few times but no words came out. Mallory chuckled and shook her head. "I have eyes, you know. So does her father."

"Henry knows?"

"I'm pretty sure everyone that knows you, knows that."

That was bad. It was horrible, because if people knew and Regina found out, whatever he had with her would end and he wasn't ready for that. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to the little things he was offered, the kisses behind closed doors and occasional cuddles on the couch when the rest of the world was asleep.

"I don't understand why the two of you are so fucking stubborn. If you love each other, just…get together!" Mallory stated, as if it was as simple as that.

"That's the thing, Mal," he whispered, shaking his head. "She doesn't love me. In her own words, she doesn't do love."

"But—"

"Drop it, Mal. I made peace with that, I'm fine. I am, I promise."

But if he really was, would he really be standing out on the balcony by himself?

It was a lie and he was sure Mal saw right through it.

* * *

Robin wandered the grand building. It was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside, so many halls and corridors—the place was like a damn maze. Which, probably, was exactly what he needed. He needed to get lost somewhere where he might rediscover himself, his thoughts and feelings in the midst of his loneliness. His heart might finally catch up to his brain and realize the pain it was constantly in just wasn't worth it.

Fate, as always, though, had different plans set in place for him.

"Robin!"

Only he would walk right into the person he was desperately trying to stay away from.

He stood by the door he opened, staring into the room full of people with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I just—I kind of got lost."

"I was wondering where you disappeared to," Regina commented as she approached him.

Oh, so she noticed? To say that he was genuinely surprised would be the understatement of the century.

"I'm sorry. You seemed like you had your hands full, meeting and greeting the guests, and I didn't wanna be a bother so I thought I'd walk around the place," he explained, his voice loud enough just for her to hear.

"Never mind that. Now that you're here, there are a few people I want you to meet." She beamed, taking him by the hand and dragging him toward the group of well-dressed people gathered near the piano by the balcony. They looked so posh and elegant, and he looked like he didn't belong. "This is Robin, he's my dad's caregiver." Not even a friend? His heart clenched but he summoned a smile to hide the pain her words caused. "Robin, this is Graham Humbert," she said, waving her hand over at the clean-shaven brunet. So _that_ was Graham. "And this is David Nolan—" David, too? Great, a threesome in the making it seemed. "This is Mary Margaret Nolan, she's married to David's twin brother, James," she introduced, and the blond and his pregnant sister-in-law greeted him with a polite smile.

"He's somewhere around," Mary Margaret said, clearly referring to her husband as she waved around the room with a laugh.

"This is—"

"Mal," Robin filled in when they reached a familiar face. "I know. I've known her for almost as long as I've known you."

Regina chuckled, and it almost, _almost _made him forget the dull pain throbbing in his chest.

Her father's caregiver, not even a friend.

She introduced him to the rest of the group she was socializing with, to a man named Jefferson, a business owner to a company that specialized in making hats, all kinds of them. To Belle, an accomplished writer and Killian, owner of multiple successful clubs across the states. They were friendly and they included him in every conversation possible. It was tough, though, because he was nothing more than a caregiver. Nothing as successful and interesting as their occupations and the adventures that came with having all the money they had. He didn't travel the world and he didn't party until dawn on a yacht, he didn't dine with politicians and Grammy award winners.

No wonder Regina wanted whatever they were to be a secret.

What was there to flaunt about him?

"I'm gonna get something to drink." Robin excused himself with a tightlipped smile and walked away. His dark thoughts suffocating him, they were drowning him in an endless pool of self-pity and doubts. He needed to get away.

Drinks were long forgotten as Robin ended up venturing further into the place, exploring the corners he hadn't earlier, when all hell broke loose.

There was a muffled sound of a bang that echoed in the air, followed by faint screaming that continued to grow louder as the sound of rapid footsteps marching down the corridor he was in did, too. A crowd moved toward him and ran past him, almost knocking him over as they pushed past each other to the exit.

What the hell was going on?

"Hey, ma'am—sir, wait!" Robin yelled to no avail. Nobody was stopping to explain anything to him, until a strong grip tightened over his forearm.

"Sir, you must leave immediately," a member of the security team demanded.

Finally, someone that might actually provide some explanation and tell him what the hell was going on.

"What's happening?"

"Some madman waving around a gun in the northern ballroom."

The northern ballrooms—oh fuck, Regina.

Robin's eyes widened and he tugged at his arm to free it from the man's hold. "My—"

"We got everyone out," the man interrupted, promising that everyone was safe, but something didn't feel right. Something felt terribly wrong.

"You don't understand—"

"Sir—"

"Let go of me," Robin snarled, pulling away from the man almost twice his size before taking off in the opposite direction, leaving the man and the crowd behind him.

* * *

The security team was…shit, for the lack of a better word. Not everyone was outside, not everyone was safe. There were a few people in the ballroom, Robin spotted them curled into one another, pressed back against the wall as the manic strode around, spewing nonsense about being betrayed. No sight of Regina, though, but he still snuck inside, managing to hide behind a pillar without alarming him. That was when he saw her out of the corner of his eyes, hiding behind one of the clothed tables with Mal by her side. She saw him, and he lifted a finger to his lips, instructing her to stay quiet.

He stood and he waited, and it felt like a lifetime before he had the opportunity to tiptoe as quickly as he could to her, falling down on his knees behind the table before embracing her.

"It's okay," he whispered, his hand cradling her head as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "You're okay, sweetheart."

"Come out, Regina," the man called out, the playfulness in his tone sent shivers down Robin's spine. "Come out, come out, wherever you are."

The man laughed, and Regina burrowed into him, a whimper muffled against his neck.

What the hell did he want from her?

Whatever it was, he wasn't going to let any harm come to her. He made a vow, to himself, to always be there for her. As a friend, as a lover, as whatever she wanted him to be.

"I know you're here, so save me the trouble and show yourself. Come on, be the good girl I know you can be."

"Who is he?" Robin whispered.

"S—Sidney," Regina stuttered, her voice equally as low.

Sidney…Sidney…the name didn't ring any bells.

"I won't let anything happen to you," he promised, moving back just enough to look at her. He tucked a loose curl behind her ear and caught the tear that fell from her eye, then cradled her face in his hands, hoping to provide her with whatever comfort he could in a situation as bad as the one they were caught into. He looked around the place. There were multiple exits—there was the one he came through, the one across, and the one the servers used, but there was a risk no matter the choice.

Unless…

"Do you trust me?" Robin asked, and Regina nodded without missing a beat. "Okay, then listen to me and listen carefully." He paused when the footsteps approached, then continued as the man walked away, huffing and cursing, calling Regina all sorts of names. "I'll distract him—"

"What?" Regina hissed and shook her head. "No, absolutely not, Robin.'

"I will distract him," he repeated, a little firmer this time because it wasn't a question. There was no other option. They could all end up dead by the time the police would show up. "And I want you and Mal to go out this way," he directed, pointing at the pillars he hid behind minutes ago.

"Robin, no," Regina pleaded, brows creased in distress. It hurt him to see her like that, but it hurt him more knowing her life was in danger.

"Listen to me—Regina, listen to me!" He cupped her face again, forcing her to look at him. The sight of her eyes filled with unshed tears was heartbreaking. If he could take all of that away, he would. "I love you," he whispered. "I am so madly in love with you, and I wish we didn't meet the way we did. I wish I wasn't your father's caregiver, I wish I wasn't the person I am, a poor man with the beat up car you hate so much. I wish I was as amazing as Graham or David, as perfect as you describe them to be. But I'm not." He pulled his lower lip between his teeth and shook his head, his own eyes brimming with tears. "I'm not Graham or David, I won't be able to take you out to a Michelin-star restaurant or buy you a diamond necklace on your birthday. I can surprise you with little things, maybe a flower or two as well, a bouquet, even, but I won't be able to afford a wall of roses or a bedroom full of them. I can't show you the world, I can't give you what you deserve."

"Robin—"

"I just we wish in a different way. I…I wish things were different." But they weren't and they couldn't. Things were as they were written in the stars.

And theirs didn't seem to be aligned.

He shifted his attention to Mal then, who looked like she had it all together, but her eyes gave her away, the fear evident in them. "As soon as you see an opportunity, leave. Take Regina and leave, and don't stop, don't look back no matter what you hear."

"I will," she promised.

That was his chance, his last chance to kiss Regina goodbye, to savor the feeling of her lips over his for one last time, but she hated displaying affection in public and, even in their situation, he respected it. He respected her enough to opt for her forehead instead, pressing a lingering kiss before reluctantly moving back. "I love you so much and I'll do it all over again in a heartbeat if I have to."

"There has to be another way," she whispered, the tears spilling over down her cheeks.

There wasn't, and instead of repeating the obvious, he kissed her forehead and glanced over the table, keeping an eye on Sidney, stalking his every move. When he saw his chance, Robin got up and hurried behind a pillar, stepping further and further away from the women. And then he stepped out from behind one, clearing his throat to grab the man's attention.

It did the job.

Sidney turned to him, his eyes wild as he lifted the gun and pointed it at him.

"Don't shoot," Robin pleaded, lifting his arms up in surrender.

"Give me one reason not to," Sidney spat.

"I can lead you to Regina," Robin responded, all the while gradually moving further away from the table the women hid behind. If he could just have Sidney turn his back on it, his job would be completed. It would pave their way out.

"And why should I trust you?"

"Because I've had it with her," Robin scoffed. "She's so selfish, thinking about her needs and no one else's." It pained him to say that. If she was selfish and thought about no one else's comfort but herself, she wouldn't spend a fortune every year to plan the perfect fundraising event. She wasn't the most empathetic person around, he knew from experience, but she cared. Deep down, he knew she did.

"Where is she?" Sidney questioned, taking a step closer to him, and Robin took a step back, gesturing at the gun.

"Lower it. I'm not talking with it pointed straight to my face."

Sidney didn't, though. Instead, the lunatic took a step closer, his expression hardening. "Speak or I _will _shoot you. I won't have any problem finding her myself, you're just gonna make it easier, that's all."

"Alright, alright," Robin said, cowering back when the gun was brought closer. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Mal standing up with her hand over Regina's mouth, dragging her quietly behind the pillars. He let go of the breath he wasn't aware he was holding in, shoulders sagging in relief. His eyes followed them, waiting and watching for them to make it out safely, but just as they reached for the exit he came through, one of them accidentally bumped into a table, knocking over a wine glass and shattering it.

It caught Sidney's attention, and when he lifted the gun and pointed it at Regina, Robin acted quick and acted without a thought. He grabbed the man, wrapped his arms tightly around him, turned him away and pushed him out of the balcony and over the railing.

"No, Robin!" Regina's scream pierced through the sound of the gunshot.

Who was hit?

Was it him?

He felt nothing but the impact of his back hitting the ground when he felt, and then it disappeared. The pain, the screams, the sirens…and the whole world was gone as he slipped into complete darkness.


End file.
